May 3, 2016

The day he arrived…

Lucas and mama (2)

As I write this, I am tearing up with many emotions running through me right now. Becoming a mother is quite possibly the most beautiful, joyful and overwhelming experience I have ever gone through. Absolutely nothing and no one will ever prepare you for this. The surge of emotions, the feelings, the thoughts, the sensations: they are all over the place at a million miles per hour. Motherhood is beautiful and scary all at the same time.

The day Lucas arrived was filled with so much joy but at the same time it was very bittersweet. I had an emergency c-section performed, which was never in my plans, given the fact that I was absolutely healthy, he was positioned to come vaginally and he was healthy, so all was well with both of us. Never in a million years would I have thought I would have a c-section performed but situations happen and I trusted my doctor to make the right decision for me and my child because the fact was that his life was in danger with rapid heart palpitations. Something that has always bothered me about that procedure was how impersonal it was. In the midst of being so numb from all the pain medication administered I found a way to pray and stay centered and focused for what I was about to go through. I can still see and feel myself lying in the operation table, with the blocking sheet in front of me, hearing everyone murmuring and just calling out for angels to keep me and Lucas safe. I felt my late grandmother’s presence beside me. I felt safe, at peace. Lucas was born at around 9:30 am on a sunny July day. He didn’t cry right away and I immediately asked if everything was okay and I swear as soon as he heard my voice he let out the loudest shriek to which I just started bawling non-stop. I guess I was holding so much inside and we both just let it all out. I remember the doctor saying “he’s a little feisty one!”, to which I thought, “yeah baby, that’s my boy!”. They immediately brought him to me so I could see him but I was so drugged up and weak I could barely speak. This is one thing I regret was not being able to hold him straight away. I felt I lost a big moment of bonding that I will never get back. The days following his birth were just full of emotions. I barely slept thinking about him, watching him sleep, holding him staring at him non-stop. How beautiful were these moments and how privileged can anyone be to be handed such a precious gift? God’s work in my own hands. Everything I prayed for had surpassed my imagination and expectations. He was perfect. He was mine. And I am forever grateful.

A lot of people have asked me, “what have you had done differently?” and I say absolutely be more vocal about your birth plan and to trust your instinct because even though I had a set date to come into the hospital to give birth, I knew deep down Lucas wasn’t ready to be born. He was forced to come early and I feel this has been an indicator of how his personality is. I always remember a line from the movie “Stepmom” when Susan Sarandon tells Julia Roberts that her daughter “will come around on her own time; that’s how she is, she won’t let anybody rush her”. Well this is the same with Lucas. He cannot be rushed. He will arrive on his own time. At his own pace. And he will very much surprise you when he does because it will be loud and pronounced!

To all you mommas, I wish you a very beautiful day alongside your little ones and dear ones and hope you find happiness everyday in this amazing journey called motherhood. We are amazingly blessed to care for and protect these lives so always stay strong and focused because they depend on us to guide them every step of the way. You are everything to them. Don’t ever forget it.

With all my heart,

Raquel

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Comments

  1. littlerayoflight says:

    Thanks momma, yes it was very tough. The experience was not the best but he is here, healthy and happy and that is all that matters. Thanks for stopping by!!!

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