January 9, 2017

Giving myself time…




Here’s a crazy thought: staying calm, cool and collected on the most anxiety ridden of days will be your claim to fame on 2017. Well, for me this a personal feat that I will be working to accomplish this year. You see, this is not me. At all. I am and have always been the anxious beast who sends channels her super anxious powers to anyone and anything who is willing to partake in it. And many a times, it can be quite debilitating.

In my case, I have learned to control it to a point where I can be productive enough to get what I need done. I am a perfectionist and extremely hard on myself. And as you can imagine, now that motherhood is in the picture, it has reached an all new exciting *not* level. Starting a new job in my field of school psychology has been a true blessing but has also contributed to me experiencing new levels of anxiety. Since I had been out of the field for so long (5+ years), I absolutely felt out of place and in need to catch up. Fast. You would think that someone in my field would know how to handle all the aforementioned but textbook knowledge can only get you so far when you experience these things IRL.

With all this said, I have decided to take a moment and give myself time. I am at a point in my life where it becomes tiresome to keep up with everything I believe everyone else expects of me. I suppose this is how I have been living my life for the past few years and it finally caught up with me.  My subconscious is finally saying “take control of what you want”. So I am. Mind you, it is no easy task but little by little I am discovering that unbinding myself from what I believe are other’s expectations of myself has allotted me a new perspective on how I want to view my life and how I want things to play out for ME. This is a new chapter. One that I can get on board and be content with. Up to now, it feels pretty damn good.

I appreciate those of you who wholeheartedly (and genuinely) reach out with words of kindness. They never go unnoticed and and I am grateful to connect with many of you who share your similar woes with me here on my blog and on social media and I wish to not only continue nurturing those relationships but also wish for you the very best in everything you have proposed to achieve for yourself. You will do it. No doubt about that.

‘Til next time,

Raquel

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